And that’s the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn’t always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn’t even something — it’s nothing. And you can’t combat nothing. You can’t fill it up. You can’t cover it. It’s just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.
It would be like having a bunch of dead fish, but no one around you will acknowledge that the fish are dead. Instead, they offer to help you look for the fish or try to help you figure out why they disappeared.
You know when you read something that’s so accurate that you don’t know how to words?
Before I read the description, I was like “hey that’s what depression is like…”
Danni (Or Dee)
Awkward, sarcastic, cynical, dry, blunt, witty, self-deprecating, childish, mature, energetic, lazy, girly, tomboy, cheerful, moody, distant, wayward, old fashioned, conforming nonconformist, misfit, simple, ironic, deep, wise, loyal, tough and strong but not without weaknesses, insecure, loner, textbook Virgo, passionate, quiet, feisty, friendly, shy, laid-back, anxiety-ridden, socially inept, rebel. A mass of contradictions.
Somewhere between happy and a total fucking wreck.
My life consists of: My abnormal obsession with James Dean, family, photography, old cameras, art galleries, museums, dancing, (freestyle/street), air-guitaring/air-drumming, vintage/retro things, MGS, House MD, Rescue Me, learning about psychology and serial killers/criminology and philosophy, restoring old mountain bikes and getting my hands dirty, literally!, American muscle cars, working out, the colour red, sharks, ska punk music, sugar, books, gaming (ps3/360), Dr Pepper, old/indie movies and blues music. I also love abandoned ruins and historical places; war ruins, cemeteries, churches etc.
I like weird. I like freaky, I like original and unconventional, I like rebels and outcasts and misfits. I like deep thinkers and deep conversation. I like simple banter and light-heartedness. I like eccentric and quirky. I like people with personalities, expressive people, not mindless drones or boring and oppressed sheep. I like people that make me think, people that are complex and hard to figure out. If you give them a chance, you'll usually find that the so-called bad people of society are usually more intelligent, more aware and less ignorant, generally better people, than the so-called good and "normal" people of society i.e. the general population.
"I like you, you're good. But, y'know, I like bad people too. I guess that's because I'm so damn curious to know what makes them bad"
- James Dean
There isn't much I don't find amusing, even less that I find offensive and I'm pretty sure there's a seat saved for me in Hell, haha. I find most people mindless, boring and irritating. I'm pretty moody and I generally don't care that much about what other people think, I'm not out to impress anyone and I'm not easily impressed by others. I'm currently single, have been for a long time and I like it. I'm not into casual stuff but ain't crazy about relationships either, I usually feel suffocated in them. Not to mention, they're just not one of my strong points. "I demand unconditional love and complete freedom. That is why I'm a terrible person". I have zero interest or desire in being in any kind of romantic relationship with anyone, (except one person and I'm not sure if he's even remotely interested in that and I refuse to say anything for fear it might ruin a really good friendship).
I'm very introverted and a loner and I like being that way. That's not to say I don't have friends or enjoy company or have fun, I do, I'm just very picky about who. The few people I do have however, I love more than anything and I owe them a lot, without them I don't think I'd be here right now. They're among the few people I actually respect and I'd follow them through Hell itself. I'm pretty indifferent and will keep my distance from most other people. I'm not here to judge, critisize, bring anyone down or get in anyone's face, I'm in no place to and I don't care that much about what other people do with their own lives. The only time I ever do attack is when I'm provoked in some way. I'm not a push-over, if you're a douche, I'll usually be a douche right back. I'm not very good at hiding dislike and I'm not afraid of honesty, although I'm aware it's not always the best policy. I'm constantly aware of everything in my surroundings, I pay attention to details and I always consciously think about every single thing I do and I never do anything for no reason.
I suffer from chronic IBS, manic depression, and severe social anxiety. I'd say I border on being self-destructive and I don't have much fear of actual danger, not in the way most people do. I'm usually laughing or joking around and being eccentric around those I'm comfortable with and I'm generally laid back, so people seem to be surprised when they find out I have depression and anxiety and then think they have to walk on eggshells around me. Don't ever do that, it's insulting and I won't respect you for it. I'm not made out of glass, I'm a strong woman and I act like it so treat me like one and we'll be good. I'm a lot tougher than you'd think. But that doesn't mean my illnesses aren't real. I may internalise everything and prefer to deal with things on my own and generally not let on when I'm going through a bit of a rough patch, but that doesn't mean things are easy for me.
However we may act on the outside doesn't necessarily reflect how we're feeling on the inside.
You can judge me based on the fact that I have some mental health issues and you can choose not to know me due to them. But it's you that's missing out. Because although depression and anxiety are incredibly hard to live with, they do not define me as a person. This is not all I am.
I won't let it be.
Animals are my people. I have a gorgeous rough collie pup called Eve and 4 adorable cats Meg, Jess, Mia and Bo...and sharks are my favourite animal. I'm a textbook Virgo and a firm believer in loyalty. Be straight and honest with me and I'll respect you a lot more.
You only know what I choose to show you.
- Edward Burns
- Denis Leary
- Charlie Brooker
- James Dean
- David Hayter
- Hugh Laurie
- Bad grammar/spelling/punctuation
- People with attitude problems and most people similar to myself
- Bitchy girls
- Sleazy/cheesy/needy guys
- Capitals At The Start Of Every Word
- or On Random words in A sentence
- Uptight or ignorant people
- Anyone with no sense of humour
Featuring Hugh Laurie/House M.D, James Franco, Sublime & CWC ♥ (refreshes automatically)
Awesome Youtube Vids.
Stuff I ♥ on Polyvore